FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
To all concerned,
Representatives from the City of Seattle and the Seattle Police Department held a meeting on April 25th with members of Occupy Seattle, a representative from the Real Change newspaper, and a representative from the May 1st Action Coalition. During this meeting, the City and the SPD expressed their concerns regarding the May 1st General Strike and revealed some startling pieces of information.
Firstly, the SPD claimed to have an “intelligence report” on the table in front of them. Throughout the meeting they constantly referenced this report and the information contained within it. Apparently, their “intelligence” teams have gathered that the anarchists are going to fill light bulbs with gasoline. For what purpose the anarchists would do this was left unclear. Perhaps the light bulbs would merely be filled with gasoline and left inside the secret anarchist headquarters where they would slowly accumulate enough electrical charge to spontaneously explode and destroy all of the evidence in their dreaded lair. Or maybe the gasoline-filled light bulbs would be sold as decorative ornaments in fancy Ballard boutiques, with the gasoline serving as a novelty that would increase the sale price. The SPD did not make clear what these strange devices would be used for and a cursory Google search does not reveal very much. Nevertheless, the “intelligence report” is filled with mention of these light bulbs.
Secondly, the report also mentions that various people are holding physical trainings to prepare for battle on the day of May 1st. During the meeting, the SPD revealed that they are very worried that people will attempt to de-arrest each other if the police attack them. The idea of people resisting arrest and defending each other is a nightmare the SPD wants to avoid. This was what they spoke the most about during the meeting.
Regarding the “intelligence” about the gasoline-filled light bulbs, we would like to assure the public that such devices do not exist. The SPD is so stupid that they have literally invented a device with which they can alarm people and stoke fear. However, being the moronic half-wits that they are, the SPD cannot even invent a believable threat and have revealed their cheap strategy of psychological intimidation before they even got started with it. Very few people will be influenced by their ploy and we would like to make it perfectly clear that we are on to them.
As for their concerns with people learning to defend themselves, this obviously would be a concern to a gang of crack-smoking, steroid-taking, wife-beating, murderous sociopaths who cannot stand to have their authority challenged for even a moment. The thought of thousands of people rising up against their arbitrary and disintegrating authority is enough to make them invent stories of secret cabals training in the dark. Oddly enough, this is something the SPD does routinely. All of their training and planning is done in secret, hidden from the public.
During the meeting, Assistant Chief of Police Mike Sanford was clearly externalizing his own guilt and shame for overseeing a conspiratorial and corrupt organization that hides in the dark like a band of diseased pigs, constantly attempting to bury their own filth and outrun their legacy of drugs, lies, and murder.
In short, the City and the SPD attempted to stir up fear during this meeting but failed due to their own inherent stupidity. Our highly sophisticated and virtually impenetrable intelligence team was right there in front of them and they didn't even know it. Any further attempts to spread more lies and disinformation will be met with further humiliating secrets, [ridicule], and insults. We are not to be trifled with.
Any further questions should be directed to Mark Sanford
His personal cell number is 206-423-0288
Sincerely,
John “Private Eye” Diaz, Chief of Police.
To all concerned,
Representatives from the City of Seattle and the Seattle Police Department held a meeting on April 25th with members of Occupy Seattle, a representative from the Real Change newspaper, and a representative from the May 1st Action Coalition. During this meeting, the City and the SPD expressed their concerns regarding the May 1st General Strike and revealed some startling pieces of information.
Firstly, the SPD claimed to have an “intelligence report” on the table in front of them. Throughout the meeting they constantly referenced this report and the information contained within it. Apparently, their “intelligence” teams have gathered that the anarchists are going to fill light bulbs with gasoline. For what purpose the anarchists would do this was left unclear. Perhaps the light bulbs would merely be filled with gasoline and left inside the secret anarchist headquarters where they would slowly accumulate enough electrical charge to spontaneously explode and destroy all of the evidence in their dreaded lair. Or maybe the gasoline-filled light bulbs would be sold as decorative ornaments in fancy Ballard boutiques, with the gasoline serving as a novelty that would increase the sale price. The SPD did not make clear what these strange devices would be used for and a cursory Google search does not reveal very much. Nevertheless, the “intelligence report” is filled with mention of these light bulbs.
Secondly, the report also mentions that various people are holding physical trainings to prepare for battle on the day of May 1st. During the meeting, the SPD revealed that they are very worried that people will attempt to de-arrest each other if the police attack them. The idea of people resisting arrest and defending each other is a nightmare the SPD wants to avoid. This was what they spoke the most about during the meeting.
Regarding the “intelligence” about the gasoline-filled light bulbs, we would like to assure the public that such devices do not exist. The SPD is so stupid that they have literally invented a device with which they can alarm people and stoke fear. However, being the moronic half-wits that they are, the SPD cannot even invent a believable threat and have revealed their cheap strategy of psychological intimidation before they even got started with it. Very few people will be influenced by their ploy and we would like to make it perfectly clear that we are on to them.
As for their concerns with people learning to defend themselves, this obviously would be a concern to a gang of crack-smoking, steroid-taking, wife-beating, murderous sociopaths who cannot stand to have their authority challenged for even a moment. The thought of thousands of people rising up against their arbitrary and disintegrating authority is enough to make them invent stories of secret cabals training in the dark. Oddly enough, this is something the SPD does routinely. All of their training and planning is done in secret, hidden from the public.
During the meeting, Assistant Chief of Police Mike Sanford was clearly externalizing his own guilt and shame for overseeing a conspiratorial and corrupt organization that hides in the dark like a band of diseased pigs, constantly attempting to bury their own filth and outrun their legacy of drugs, lies, and murder.
In short, the City and the SPD attempted to stir up fear during this meeting but failed due to their own inherent stupidity. Our highly sophisticated and virtually impenetrable intelligence team was right there in front of them and they didn't even know it. Any further attempts to spread more lies and disinformation will be met with further humiliating secrets, [ridicule], and insults. We are not to be trifled with.
Any further questions should be directed to Mark Sanford
His personal cell number is 206-423-0288
Sincerely,
John “Private Eye” Diaz, Chief of Police.












